Grief Group Work

As mentioned previously, my graduate school journey has both professional and personal therapeutic components. Among the personal has been participating in a loss and bereavement workshop and group through a local Hospice. (It also happens to be led by an art therapist, so this is a double bonus.) Today was the last day of the holiday support group I was attending.

Each week we began the group by selecting colored glass stones and saying something about what it represented or acknowledging something about our process. I wanted to do something special with my glass to memorialize the experience and remember what I was thinking each week when I took a stone.

I spent Sunday night doing this...

The last three stones were added today: the green and the two larger stones. The large stones were made at the end of our last group. They are clear with images/words in the background. One was my own and another was from another group member. Interestingly, they both say "growth," which is what I have received from my whole loss ordeal, as terrible as it has been.

The banner across the chest (and title) is "It Only Hurts Because You Loved." That was my mantra after losing my mother, which has been the hardest for me, and reading Grieving Mindfully by Sameet M. Kumar, PH.D. Luckily, I'm a proud owner of this one, because I need to read it again now that I have a little more space. One of the things I learned from this book is that grief is only possible because we are capable of large amounts of love. The deeper the love, the more intense the sorrow. For me, this concept made grief pain more endurable, because it was a reflection of how much each of the family members I lost meant to me. I felt like I had a responsibility to carry and nurture where it hurt and acknowledge also the positive traits I want to foster from each person I loved and lost.

Currently, this 8x10 canvas sits above my desk and one of my inherited quilted pieces of my mother's. It needs some placement adjusting, but this works for now.

Something Embarrassing from My Ipod

One of my idols of group leadership is 9-year-old Willow Smith (daughter of Jada Pinkett and Will Smith). Okay, she is 9 and not really educated in group dynamics or theory. In fact, if she got dropped in the middle of my internship, things would probably go quite poorly for the group and Miss Smith. However, there's just something about this video that makes me say, "Yeah, I want to be that!" when I think about an ideal group experience. So far, people haven't come into groups bored and colorless and been transformed into dancing, clapping, happy, hair-whipping people, but this is my intent. I want this.

Resolutions and Professional Responsibility

I'm a day behind on blogging and still trying to figure out where I want to go with this today. I have a schedule of things to write about in my mind and today/yesterday is a blank page. I feel like I should be writing about resolutions of some sort, but the mood strikes me not.

I am not a New Year Resolver. I see it as a set up for failure and disappointment. I am, however, a Birthday Intenter, which has worked well for me. Unfortunately, I have been forgetting to do that the past two or three years, because of this grad school thing. It's like a 3-year resolution that consumes all other goals and possibilities... a little... possibly... okay maybe not... it's really just been an excuse. I am still perfectly capable of other improvements. I forgot to set intents this last birthday too, but since it wasn't that long ago, perhaps a New Year Intent would be an okay exception.

And for visual appeal purposes, here are some randomly placed photos of an old expressive therapy class assignment about being/doing/understanding expressive therapy.

Here's how this relates to my art therapy journey. I firmly believe that all therapists have a duty to practice what they preach. And art therapists have an additional responsibility to also regularly feed their creative sides. I would not want to go to a medical doctor who smokes, never exercises and eats chili fries and valium everyday for breakfast, because if that doctor said, "Hey you really should consider blah blah blah for your health," I'd think something along the lines of "You're a stupid hypocrite" and that sort of thinking just doesn't foster a good doctor patient relationship. The same goes for being a therapist. If one is telling others how to care for their mental health and find fulfillment in life, one must be doing the same work. Along those lines, I often review anything that could possibly be lacking in my own self care and adjust as necessary.

But self care improvements make bad birthday/new year intentions, because they're not especially awesome. In fact, they're just plain BORING! Intentions are most possible when they are something you want to do anyway. Birthday intentions got me into yoga teacher training, riding my bike 150 miles for MS, taking drum lessons and even buying a house. They were things I already wanted to do, but might have put off without setting the intention. None of those things were necessary; they just made my year extra cool. Happy birthday to me.

As mentioned earlier, I believe art therapists have the additional responsibility to also practice regular creative expression. We're living The Dream after all. So today I ask myself, "Self, in what way will you be living The Dream in 2011?"

It's important to also keep in mind that I am graduating soon and hopefully (fingers crossed) getting a job, so my dream has to be doable and not of the buying-a-house caliber this year. So, five ways to live the dream this year...

1. Take a class at the junior college, adult continuing ed. group or somewhere in either ceramics or painting, because I've never had professional training in either and they're classics.

2. Restart my etsy store, because it helps keep me artistically active and provides minimal income (extremely minimal!).

3. Participate in this, because I just wanna.

4. Donate one quilt, because I just noticed these all sound really selfish and a little balance is in order.

5. Go on a trapeze, because Jung said, "What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Here is the key to your earthly pursuits." I miss the swing set.

Collage? Eh, I don't know.

At the AATA Conference in Sacramento, Seena B. Frost, creator of SoulCollage was was one of the keynote speakers. Seena is not an art therapist, but some art therapists are into SoulCollage and it has an art therapy feel to it. I enjoyed Seena's presentation, was curious about collaging cards and ordered her newest book SoulCollage Evolving which I received two or three weeks ago.

So far, I have mixed feelings. First, if I'm being honest, I don't especially like collage. It's too rigid for my creative tastes. Mixing and matching the images of others feels creepy to me. Plus, my undergrad degree is in photography and electronic design, so I'm pretty picky about how these sorts of things should look and fit together. However, one thing that I missed in my own work at times was the lack of actually touching a product. I could create an image, a book, a poster or whatever and it was all just glowing pixels until someone else printed it. Although I put a lot of time and thought into it, I never touched any materials during the creative process most of the time. So collage allows for a little more dirty work. Touching stuff is fun. Add that with my search for combining easy with looks good and collage is worth a try.

Secondly, I take issue with spiritually-sounding language in my psychology. In one paragraph of this new book, I pick out these four words, "mysterious, holy, Oneness and mystical." I prefer charts and diagrams to mysteries and holiness.

Third, the cards are like tarot cards you make and read yourself. This also makes me feel pretty weird and I can't imagine using these with anyone in seriousness.

And now that I have dogged it, allow me to show the two cards I made so far.

This is my Source Card. Apparently, it is supposed to "point to the infinite reservoir of the possible." It's actually a carnivorous plant image I found in the National Geographic, but it looks really alive, colorful, active. I was going solely on appearances for this choice.


This is my SoulEssence Card. It's my own personal potential or "that spark of Source that was in [my] individual soul from birth."


So now that I've said what I don't like about SoulCollage, here are the pros... it's simple and possibly fast, depending how long it takes to figure out what images you like. There is lots of training available. It's a social activity that involves people getting together in groups and using their cards as catalysts for deep conversation, which is probably pretty healing in itself most of the time. Also, although it's very Jungian and kinda hippy sounding (this is published in Santa Cruz, CA, by the way, which may explain some things if you've ever hung out there), it looks like the intent for the questions and answers really come from the people who make the cards, which is not very tarot cardy at all. Also, I like the cards I made, even though it didn't feel like doing much and I have trouble taking credit for making some choices and using scissors.

I will give this a deeper try and consider adaptions, before I make an official decision. The jury is still out.

Knit, Purl, Philosophize

I've heard that many people get into this profession to work on their own stuff, but I got into it because I like art and psychology. However, it turned out to be a parallel process because since I put together my portfolio and applied to the program, I lost my brother and both parents. Most things about experiencing a lot of deaths are terrible, but there are some parts that aren't so bad... or maybe they are also pretty horrendous, but really important lessons.

I became aware of this impermanence train that is life earlier than some. Did you ever regret not knowing at the moment how awesome it was to be a kid and get to color in school, take piano lessons every week and spend three months a year in a swimming pool and on roller skates? Instead you probably spent your kid time thinking about how great it would be to grow up, have your own money and never have to listen to a single teacher again. Sometimes I feel like that kid, except I know how totally radical it is to be living this life right now every single moment. When you lose a lot of people, especially a sibling or maybe a friend around your age, you might think, holy crap life is short. What am I gonna do with this thing to make it meaningful? At least that's what I thought about.

In spite of life opening a can of whoop ass on me the last three years, I feel that overall, I'm extremely lucky. I'm lucky I was trying to get into this profession when I started, because when I thought about what makes my life meaningful, the perfect career was simultaneously falling in my lap.

Here's what I want out of life... Even though we're small and insignificant in the universe, I want the world to be a little better while I'm in it. If I can make something just a tiny bit prettier and someone a little happier, I consider my life well lived. I don't expect perfection, but an overall higher score in the gee-it-was-great-you-existed column.

That being said, allow me to get to the knitting portion of this post. Here's some handmade/hand-dyed yarn I was knitting today which sent me spinning on this whole thing...


The last thing my mother taught me was how to knit. She had taught me when I was little, but it didn't take, so she taught me again as she was dying. After she died, I knit. A lot. I knit so much I didn't even know what to do with the stuff. I donated some of it. My favorite organization is Spirit Jump. It works like this: you sign up, you get emails about people who have cancer and feel down, you make or buy them something, you send it. The receivers get a surprise (or probably a series of surprises) in the mail and the senders get major feelgood points.

Know what makes me feel even better? Anonymous giving. Sneak-up-on-someone-who-never-sees-it-coming-giving. Stealthy-ninja giving. Making-people-feel-good-without-seeing-a-result-or-even-getting-thanks giving. Know why? Because it's fun and way more real.

And what does this have to do with art therapy? Tons! We often work with people who have lost their way and are traveling on the what's-the-point-of-all-this-pain train. They need help finding the transfer station. Challenge people to make something and send it to someone. Help them knit some squares and combine them to create a blanket for a homeless shelter or nursing home. Get them to make some origami and drop it in strangers' purses (in a safe way and place -- no need to go around getting patients slapped).

It can be the season of giving all year.

Here's a related video someone shared with me yesterday...

ATC (Artist Trading Cards) & Zentangles

This is what's in my mailbox right now!

This week I got a couple of Zentangle books for my birthday (Thanks Debbie) and simultaneously got curious about Artist Trading Cards (ATC) Exchange. Coincidentally, I found an online black & white Zentangles ATC exchange! I haven't had my fortune read or investigated my horoscope lately, but if I did it would have said I was destined to exchange some Zentangles I guess.

Right now, you may be asking yourself two questions: 1. What is Zentagle and 2. What is an ATC Exchange?

Okay... here we go...

ZENTAGLE

According to their website (here),

Zentangle is an easy to learn method of creating beautiful images from repetitive patterns. It is a fascinating new art form that is fun and relaxing. It increases focus and creativity. Zentangle provides artistic satisfaction and an increased sense of personal well being. Zentangle is enjoyed by a wide range of skills and ages and is used in many fields of interest.

We believe that life is an art form and that Zentangle is an elegant metaphor for deliberate artistry in life.

I want to see some research on the increased focus, creativity and relaxation, but it sounds highly possible. What makes it cool is there is no talent required. It's a guide to doodling for the doodle-challenged. Simple.

On an A.T. side note, one could offer a quick lesson in Zentangle and do a pre and post stress measurement. Or have a chat on why creativity is scary and adults forget how to play and introduce Zentangle. Or talk about mindfulness and Zentangle. Or how to deal with mistakes and Zentangle. The directives are endless. Oh, I should probably mention Zentangle is registered and they have their own workshops, so don't go acting like you invented it.

ARTIST TRADING CARDS (ATC)

ATCs are trading cards that people make and exchange. There are many ways this can be done. You could have an ATC exchange group or host a party (although let's be honest -- that sounds like a mega nerdfest), but I think it's mostly a mail art sort of deal, which is what I just did.

You can buy over-priced pre-cut cards or slice your own. If you google "ATC Exchange" you'll get a list of exchange sites or you can just go to ATCsforAll.com and look around at what sort of exchanges are going on. People make up themes and host exchanges. For example, a host might decide on a theme like "puppies" and people would send a determined amount of cards that represent puppies and a SASE to the host, who would mix the puppy cards up and send everyone back the same amount of cards made by others. I love making stuff and I love getting mail, so this is just all around fun.

On an A.T. note possible directives that come to mind without fully thinking them through are Self as Superhero (but on a trading card), Coping Skill ATC Exchange in group, Art Mystery Gift ATC Exchange, Something I've Always Wanted to Do, But Never Have Exchange or Illustrate Your Favorite Quote Exchange. Probably anything that's positive and of universal interest is good on a therapeutic card and exchangeable, if you're working with people who can handle that.

So I had this realization...

I recently read Pat B. Allen's Art Is A Way of Knowing for class and to my burned-out-on-school surprise, I read the whole thing in one sitting and felt pretty stoked about the experience.

I've been thinking a lot about what art in/as therapy means to me, as previously mentioned and I realized somehow while reading this (although I'm not quite sure where, when or how that light bulb turned on) that my best art therapy happens when I am not in the role of art therapist and this image popped into my head...

On one side we have the totally exposed art therapist and I wrote down some of the ways I use A.T. in my personal life (blurred out for the web masses) and then I have someone in a burqa to represent not a statement about womanhood but how I have gone about doing art therapy thus far, along with a randomly found quote from one of my group A.T. directive books.

This started sorta coming to me after I made this image.


I was thinking about what I want to give people when being in the role of art therapist. This is an image that just spontaneously came to mind as well and I couldn't figure out what the "magic" is at the time.

I'm thinking now that the magic is what art therapy does for me which isn't something I share when on the job. I have been the veiled woman, the blank slate if you will. Of course, being the completely exposed naked woman isn't quite good therapy either. However, when I am that bare off-the-clock self, that's when my creativity has been most contagious and people I know have been inspired to do their own things, taking some of my energy home. So what I need to find in myself is that place in the middle.

I think I already know that place in the middle. The paper under the nude is a folded up copy of a letter from someone I worked with, but not in a therapeutic role. It's about how talking to me about art inspires him to make some. This wasn't someone I poured my guts out to about personal work (I doubt he even knew my last name), but I did share some of my excitement and ways I work. That's exactly what I'm looking for in my professional identity.

I'm working on directives to give people a glimpse of that, rather than pull directives out of my education, and have gotten off the fence about showing some of my more personal work here. Stay tuned.