Blog Restart and Updates

One of this year's birthday resolutions was to blog every Sunday and three weeks later, I am making that happen for the first time. One of the tough things about starting over on this blog is organizing my thoughts and having a coherent topic, so screw that. Here are some random updates.

First of all, as my graduation gift to myself, I went to Kripalu for an Art and Yoga Teacher Training with Hari Kirin Kaur Khalsa, which was fantastic. I was initially intimidated by the traditionalness of Kundalini Yoga, but Hari Kirin has a certain glow or an aura or something of welcome and kindness and I loved it: chanting, meditating, yogaing (kundalini is really hard, by the way), singing (!!!) and art-making. On the last day we made our 40 day art and yoga plan which I have tried and often slacked on, but it is in my heart and I will keep working at making art and yoga a regular part of everyday. Expect to read more about this. Here is some artwork...

Painting from the workshop: "A New Relationship"

From my Art and Yoga Sketchbook

Watercolor after a yoga - run - yoga - meditation combo

My art life has been slacking recently and my physical life has been intense. There was a time before grad school that I was pretty hardcore into my physical life and that must be some sort of natural part of who I am, because now that I have the time, it's back. I am training for a half marathon and a trapeze show! Yes, a trapeze show! I am the least experienced person in it, so I feel compelled to work extra hard to get things as right as possible and not look like a big goober. This is not quite getting things right, but it is so fun and freeing and I cannot get enough of swinging and flying. This is my idea of self-care.

 

Back End Straddle

Work continues to go well. I've had some learning opportunities and successes to share in future posts. Currently, my guys are working on a strengths-based film. We just started, but they seem pretty interested so far, as is my director, so I hope that intervention goes well... More on that later.

I made my resolutions for this year of my life and the list is ridiculous!!! I was looking at past lists and I normally hit almost all my goals each year. I am okay with having intentions that aren't quite reachable, because even if I only get to 50%, I'm still growing. Even as I write this, I am trying to decide how much I should make my goals public, because it's a pretty demanding list I have created.

Alright, this is the gist:
1. Keep space neat.
2. Be proactive about getting things done on time.
3. Organize the basement (I'm still working on that studio space and it is in bad shape right now).
4. Take counseling exam.
5. DBT training (if I can afford it; work doesn't pay for trainings they don't provide).
6. Read at least 20 of the books I own.
7. Practice yoga at least 6 days per week.
8. Get job teaching yoga again.
9. Run 20 miles per week.
10. Art (visual, music or writing) daily.
11. Fly unassisted.
12. Develop a budget.
13. Pay off my credit card.
14. Clean up my etsy shop and try harder to sell stuff.
15. Donate an afghan in my mom's honor.
16. Write in my blog every Sunday.

This was my birthday list and I am making progress so far and feeling good about hacking away at this thing.

If you got this far, thanks for reading my update. Next time I hope to make the post more relevant to art therapy. Please stay tuned.

Life is Good

I haven't posted in awhile out of not having artwork to include. So, without further ado, here are some bracelets I made from some of my beads.

 

I have been enjoying making beads and jewelry the past two or three weeks, but it's just a relaxation tool and not especially newsworthy. After watching millefiori videos on youtube and reading The Art of Polymer Clay Millefiori Technique by Donna Kato, I have started to try my hand at more elaborate work. This may be hard to believe, but I am not instantly awesome at this. Here is a poorly-produced image of my first attempt...

Artistically, playing with this stuff is what I have been into, but that's not actually what I want to write about, because personally and professionally everything is so incredibly great I can't believe it. I want to give a shout out to life in general.

So allow me to use the remainder of this post to revel in the wonderfulness that is my life right now. 

I really love my job and even though I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants and don't know what I'm doing almost all of the time, I must have inherited good instincts along the way or am just getting really lucky, because I'm getting lots of positive feedback, making new friends with my coworkers and establishing useful therapeutic connections with my guys. I'm not a believer in fate, but the appropriateness of where I am now and who I am working with based on my life experiences of the last several years is ridiculous. Although this was not what I wanted to do if I had been given the choice in May, it was the right fit and I am reminded of this almost daily with a "no way" sort of moment.

Personally, having been through a rough few years both going through school while working and all of the loss, I feel so free. I've been working on getting myself in order financially with my house improvements soon to follow. I'm trying new things physically and I'm having a lot of fun in my off time: skating and trapezing. I've always lived on the further end of happy while simultaneously feeling a little out of place and awkward. Lately though, it's like all of the pieces came together, even the awkward ones to make everything just right. 

I feel good.

Making Swirly Polymer Beads

This post is not about gender, but it has to be mentioned as something that has surprised me working with adolescent boys. My general approach to working with individuals is to begin with their interests and let the art therapy kinda organically just happen. Unless someone is stuck, I don't suggest or provide directives outside of group work. Interestingly it appears with my guys, creative interests know no gender. Regardless how they identify, no matter how "male" they might appear, they want to try things like knitting and for now beading has been all the rage. I never would have suggested knitting or jewelry making nor did I provide supplies that suggested such pursuits until the guys starting making requests. This week, I have been challenged with figuring out how to do this...

Image stolen from http://polymerartarchive.com/

I'm not there yet, so in the meantime, this is what I made this week, which came from working with the guys. This turned out to be a successful intervention I think.

THE POLYMER BEAD

Swirly Bead

This is a pretty simple technique for bead making. The bare minimum you need is 2 or more polymer colors and something like a toothpick or needle for poking a hole. However, this is some of my clay stuff that I can use for bead making.

pasta machine, bead roller, baking rack and baby oil if clay is old and dry

First, roll some clay around in your hands or through the machine to get it nice and soft. Smash two or more layers together for multicolored beads.

You can twist this around and smash it up a little more. I squished a bead at a time so I got swirls rather than risk over-working it and getting a whole new color.

If you want evenly sized and uniform beads, a bead roller is a good idea (you could shape by hand also if you prefer).

Measuring clay (about the size of a pencil eraser)

Place clay in roller and glide back and forth.

Here's where some of the therapy metaphor may come in: rolling is fun, but if you don't want to stop, the clay crumbles and the bead cracks in half. Granted, it's clay so that's easy to fix, but I have enjoyed watching kids figure this out, especially kids who have trouble with moving from one activity to the next and knowing when to stop. 

Poke a hole through the center.

Bake as suggested.

If you want, you can also paint on a little glossy varnish to make them shiny like so...

Currently, I have one kid working on bead manufacturing and a couple who are into stringing. The manufacturing develops fine motor skills, knowing when to stop and has been building interaction because we are working as a team. The stringers are learning how to slow down and practice mindfulness. Also, these repetitive acts seems to relax the guys so they can open up and we can talk about some of the tougher stuff they're dealing with.

Totika and Things in My Office

Part of what I have been working on the past few weeks is getting into the individual groove, which means things like developing individual plans and having a space conducive to individual work.

Although my guys have had individual therapy, historically it has been based on need and by request rather than by appointment. There are a few problems with that method. One is that a handful of guys will use all of my individual time while others are content with whatever they get out of group. The other problem is that I become the face of immediate crisis intervention for others. While I like working in the moment like that, I also think therapy is helpful when one is in a calm and rationally thinking state of mind. So, in an effort to shake things up a little, I started giving each student equal portions of my time, by appointment, regardless what is going on in their lives, in addition to be available when they need me.

This allows some control to become available to the kids. If all is going well, they have choices of what they want to do with their individual time. That being said, Totika is one of their favorite options and my therapy recommendation of the week. It's like Jenga, but whenever a block is pulled, a therapeutic question may be asked. I have the self-esteem deck of cards, but the guys love this so much, I imagine I will slowly order all of the decks.

And in art news, here is the bulletin board I made for my office.

Click on image for larger view.

This was made from a regular large brown framed cork board from the local office supply store.  I covered it with gesso, oil stick, oil paint and after it dried, oil pastel and fixative. After all was dry (two weeks!!!) I wrapped the frame in torn colored tissue paper and Mod Podge. Then I added images I had around the house and recent experiments like kirigami and paper models. This hangs over my desk.

Living with Intensity

This post is brought to you by serendipity. This weekend I have been thinking about the potential value in living an intentionally dialectic/bipolar life as well as questioning how to give the guys I work with an intense physical outlet for intense emotions. These thoughts are coming together based on a series of conversations, emotions and events.

The past week at work included hearing some tough stories and playing a role in some tough decisions as well as a boost in awareness of the seriousness of my job. While being a kind of "holder of horrors" is by no means boring, it's also not really all that pleasant. By Friday last week, I was toast: burned and a little sad.

Coincidentally, I had an amazing weekend planned that happened to be far outside my normal methods of blowing off steam: pure physicality, adrenaline and a hefty dose of absolute terror. First, I did this...

My First Trapeze Lesson

I was shocked when I saw this video, because this didn't feel like it looks at all. It felt a little awkward and very scary. I shook. I felt dizzy. I thought I might throw up and it was all amazing. I dropped every other stressor I have ever had. There was nothing else in the universe but my body, fear and the rush of pushing through extremes. 

On Sunday I trained with the local roller derby team. The last time I wore quad skates, they had Cabbage Patch Dolls on the sides, so again I was awkward, a little scared and forced to focus on nothing but my body and not smashing my teeth in. It was awesome. I don't actually do roller derby, but what I think is great about it is the release of an alter-ego. One can do her yoga, her human-services job or volunteer during the day, be of a gentle-mind and carry the weight of others' trauma then come derby time become someone named Sadie Masochist, wear a helmet with skulls and blood, elbow other women in the ribs while moving at high speeds, laugh and compare bruises later. We don't get a lot of appropriate outlets for rage and the giant emotions in our culture. Maybe we should... Maybe intense emotions call for intense sensations and it's just a matter of finding something that allows a release without making things worse. Intensity can be a good thing.

Therapy-wise, I have been trying to notice when my guys have the roughest times as well as noticing the intensity of coping tools don't usually match the intensity of an emotion or behavior and therefore really take a whole lot of self-awareness and control, which my guys don't often have, to work. I'm wondering about finding activities, artistic and otherwise, that lend themselves to huge feelings. Something that is safe and doable but big.

Adolescent Group: Failure and Success of the Week

The way groups at my new place of employment work are like this: we have a curriculum that lasts two weeks which covers a single concept. We have groups completely written out for us, but nobody uses them, because we are allowed to wander away from recommendations as long as the kids somehow know how to define the concept at the end of two weeks. At first, I thought two weeks (four groups) for each kid was way too much time to cover a single idea, but I am seeing that my guys do better with repetition, so I am learning to slow down with them.

This past week we started "red flag warning signs." The goal is that the guys will know internal versus external warning signs that precede acting out behavior. I wrote up activities to cover the topic, such as artistic representation of internal warming signs, making comic books of external warning signs, dramatic reenactment and a new version of red light green light. We started with a discussion and artistic representation of internal warning signs... epic failure. I don't know if this is true, but whenever we touch on bodily sensations, my guys claim to have none and give me the blank stare. This could be teens being teens or an honest part of the problem. Bottom line, this was a NO GO. The red light green light was a success with my older guys and okay with the younger group. We took turns naming an internal or external warning sign or neutral experience, not moving if it's a warning or trigger and taking a step forward if it's no problem. Example: "I ride my bike"... everyone who is not triggered by bike-riding steps forward. "Staff yells at me"... nobody moves.

I realized when the guys used my first artistic representation to do something else, look confused and/or refuse all together that I needed to go back and re-plan the rest of my red flag groups. I remembered rule number one about working with teens and realized the problem may have been that I broke it: never ask a teen about himself, especially in a group. Ask about someone else and they'll tell you all you need to know. So, for our next group, we made red flags, gluing red triangles onto sticks and decorating however kids liked (and some of them decorated with actual internal/external triggers, so they did get something from the first group). Then we watched the beginning of Hulk (and will continue to watch for the next week) and held up flags when guys noticed Hulk getting triggered.

I've used The Hulk in therapy before, but this movie is especially great for red flag warnings because he wears a pulse monitor and uses relaxation techniques when he notices his pulse increasing, so the guys can notice internal and external signs in someone else. Most of my guys loved this and did a stellar job noticing and explaining Hulk's warning signs. Also, we talked about why the Hulk doesn't want to lose control (people can get hurt) and there is a great line from Hulk's coach while he is teaching him pranayama, "When we control our body, we control our mind." I think this movie could lead the guys into being more open to learning relaxation techniques beyond deep breathing. Yoga was first developed as a sitting practice for men meant to help one develop super powers and immortality. The guys have a modified yoga practice, but I think if they see Hulk sorta doing it and learn about the history, they might buy into it a little more.

A New Art Journal Begins

For the past several weeks I have intended to be intentional about artistic processing, but that's only been going on in my mind... briefly. Who is this working person who works? Who comes home and sits around? Who feels tired at zumba class, tired at yoga class, tired at Michael's and Joann Fabrics and Ultrecht? This person who works and sits right here in this very seat and sleeps down the hall a few feet away? How quickly routine can make one boring.

Well, maybe it's not routine. I think it's an unbalanced routine. It's the all-work-and-no-play routine. I am a few weeks into a job and missing the routine of past jobs when I included other events in my life rather than being consumed (but happy, make no mistake) at work and then feeling too tired to care about anything else. It's summer and summer is far too brief where I live. It needs to be celebrated, nay worshiped,  before one must wrap oneself away and huddle in front of a space heater for what feels like eternity.

Therefore, this week's artistic processing is about all the things that should be growing in my garden, so to speak. It's intentionally simple, because I just wanted to figure out what is important to me and what fits. After this stage, I also wrote on it, because that is how I roll when I am processing, but that's sorta private, so I leave you to guess what everything represents. I'm not sure what to call it yet.

Also, I have a new "art journal." It's in the form of a little binder so if ever I feel the need to make an artistic response in the moment while working with someone, I can just have one sheet at a time, so I can honor the person I am with and not have all this other stuff connected to it. Plus, adolescents are pretty into getting all up in one's business and having a book of drawings may result in requests to exhibit said book of drawings. Artistic responses may be therapeutic on occasion, whipping out all my business however, not so much.